I watch Sita crib daily, though in dulcet tones. If she were to stop cribbing, perhaps she will become a stranger to me. The saga of most women – educated, earning but not allowed to handle their earnings. Donning a sweet smile, doing the second shift – running the house – simmering underneath – you will come across many of them. You will also come across many husbands like her’s – a husband with two salaries.
Now-a-days grooms prefer brides who can earn – not because grooms have become liberal and started believing in equality but because double incomes raise the standard of living. So it is high time a formula is worked out. To the seven rounds around the sacred fire, an eighth financial round too should be added. The marriage ceremony should include a shloka* or two about what percentage of wife’s income will be used in housekeeping and what will be left with her.
The urban Indian woman is overworked already. She is not paid proper wages, neither at work or at home for her labor. You try to buy a bottle of blood – you are ready to shell out money. What about the baby she bears (oodles of blood!), her mindset made fragile by hormones, she is simply fooled with glorification of motherhood. God help her if she is not motherly type.
The doctor had told Sita to take things easy while she was in the last trimester of her pregnancy. Riding her two-wheeler was tough for her. They don’t have a car. So she requested her husband, Manav, to drop her and pick her up from her work place. He did this for a day or two but found it burdensome. Then he tried to cajole her that it did not matter if she continued riding her Scooty. What difference did it make? The reason – that taking the whole weight on one foot was difficult for her – was no good. Putting both the feet apart on the ground could be a solution. Oh, babies are sturdy things – snug in the womb. They were born every day.
Manav is very good at giving subtle, reasonable suggestions. Why doesn’t she go to her parents – she will be more comfortable there. Incidentally, when they needed money while buying the house earlier, she had again been tactfully turned homewards – towards her maternal home. After all, ‘he has to get his brother married’ or ‘he has to buy that plot’. Anyway, who is she to question him? He is the master of house; he’ll handle finances and make decisions. Sita mutely tries to protest through actions, ignoring some of his demands. If for everything she has to be self-supportive or turn to her parents, then why should she not continue carrying her own name?
That’ll never do! Sita is pitied for her lack of astuteness. Manav’s name is a proud brand which he has conferred on her. Her needs (a gift or two for her family, friends) and the money needed for them can wait. You see, he is selfish in practice not in principle.
Indian women respect their husbands because it-is-the-husband’s-due is drilled into them. The wives address them respectfully, serve them food first, supervise the laundering of their clothes etc. etc. So most husbands like Manav, are a confused lot. They take all this to mean that they are worthy of this respect; are like Ceasers’s wife – above suspicion. The change in scenario hasn’t dawned on them yet. But women are fast approaching the point where they will respect only those who earn their respect.
The simple fact that moolah* in marriage has to be divided fairly and squarely becomes too intricate and knotty in the masculine mind. Sita has realized that every decision she and Manav make in life has a cost and adjustment is a cost she is not ready to pay. Manav has to see this. Sita agrees that a good income is the best recipe for happiness, provided she is allowed to handle it. What is sauce for gander is also sauce for the goose.
Let’s wait and watch to see what they get – a son or a daughter; an exploiter with social sanctions or a recalcitrant unwilling to be exploited victim.
*shloka – Sanskrit verses from religious scriptures chanted at Hindu rituals
*moolah – money
(Image source: Chris Palmer from Flickr used under a CC BY-SA 2.0 license)
